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An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.
Irv Kupcinet
The pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts... nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving.
H. W. Westermayer
On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence.
William Jennings Bryan
I love Thanksgiving turkey... it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Thanksgiving, man! Not a good day to be my pants.
Kevin James
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are
consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not
coincidence.
Erma Bombeck
It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an
ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring
grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so
honored with gourmet status.
Russell Baker
Coexistence... what the farmer does with the turkey - until Thanksgiving.
Mike Connolly
My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
Rita Rudner
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited
everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and
then I killed them and took their land. [which they in turn stole from the squirrels]
Jon Stewart
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