Posted by Farmer Brown at 11:38 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 11:12 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:56 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:17 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:15 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 07:35 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 05:37 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 04:38 PM | Permalink

Where Life imitates absurd cartoons

MM

Posted by Farmer Brown at 12:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

“The United States does not need a multi-billion-dollar national missile defense against the possibility of a nuclear-armed intercontinental ballistic missile. “What we need is a strong nonproliferation policy with other nations to combat the most serious threat to our national security and to the safety of the world – weapons of mass destruction falling into the hands of terrorists who would smuggle them into our cities.  - Nancy Pelosi, [Pelosi Receives 2003 Alan Cranston Peace Award from Global Security Institute] It appears that before the decade's end, every third world despot, and Tijuana street gang, will own a nuclear tipped ICBM.  Our only protection will be Ronald Reagan's missile defense system that, while still not perfect, is advanced enough to offer hope.  Last month, just prior to the election,  Rep. Ellen Tauscher (D - CA) appeared on C-Span's Washington Journal.  She there bolstered my position that every elected democrat is an unconscionable liar, by claiming  liberal democrats have always supported missile defense. It'll be fun watching these die hards attempt to gut a program that even your normally inattentive voter has a vested interest in, i.e., saving his/her own ass. They'll try, though, count on it.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 11:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Last week's nonsense hyperventilation "Volunteer needed to land on asteroid and change its course before we all go the way of the dinosaurs, only worse," alarmed me only to this extent. It's another example of how technology, and a 24/7 news cycle, have turned the world into a bunch of kids with Christmas present microscopes. Every wiggly microbe, seen for the first time, is elevated to a thing of catastrophic importance. Especially if there's research money involved, and a politician to dispense it.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Dedicated to Annoyed one :)

Posted by Farmer Brown at 08:56 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 08:32 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:41 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 04:26 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 03:42 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 11:41 AM | Permalink

BAGHDAD - the current radical chief of the Iraqi Shiite Moqtada Sadr threatened Friday to withdraw government and Parliament if the Prime Minister Nouri Al-Maliki maintained his meeting with American president George W. Bush envisaged at the end of November in Jordan. [AFP via translation] This may be some wishin' and hopin', but the reason this chubby sack of  Islamo offal is afraid of that meeting is he knows its   purpose is to tell Bush where to aim the cruise missiles that will blow him off the face of planet Earth like we should have doe two years ago.  *catching some breath* In fact, here's where I'm at, now that our military have been betrayed by American liberals.  I'm looking for the script that The History Channel can use for a year 2306  holovision mini-series, about  how we won the war on terror, and transformed the Middle East into a respectable  Christan community.  This is a work in progress, but here's some choices I've come up with so far. Admit that there is too much Muslim influence in Iraq's government, and dissolve it.  Then, knowing the identities, and hopefully the whereabouts, of the worst of them, we kill them.  Everyone else is baptized in the Tigris River, and given a job with Exxon. Withdraw from Iraq, Saigon style, then nuclear bomb the entire mofkng region, including Russia, China, Iran, both Koreas, and Seattle.  I mean, totalmofkng wipeout. *breathing heavily* Withdraw with tails betwixt legs, and return home where some general crosses the Rubicon, pursues fleeing senators across the earth,  and vanquishes them to a man (and woman).  That ought to be good for several hundred years of  Pax Americana.  *peed pants* Damn, now I feel good again.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:46 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:34 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 08:23 PM | Permalink

No appreciation for irony, either. Nor hypocrisy.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 06:39 PM | Permalink

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. Irv Kupcinet The pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts... nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving. H. W. Westermayer On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence. William Jennings Bryan I love Thanksgiving turkey... it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts. Arnold Schwarzenegger Thanksgiving, man! Not a good day to be my pants. Kevin James Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. Erma Bombeck It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with gourmet status. Russell Baker Coexistence... what the farmer does with the turkey - until Thanksgiving. Mike Connolly My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow. Rita Rudner I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. [which they in turn stole from the squirrels] Jon Stewart

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:48 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:06 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 07:44 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 07:37 AM | Permalink

Several thousand peeps watched the last toy train movies (I Love Trains I; I Love Trains II), so here's another. This Choo-Choo Barn layout in Lancaster County, PA is truly remarkable. It'll keep the kids out of your hair today while you get dinner ready. Happy Thanksgiving. Not you Pelosi and Reid. You can eat armadillo (did you know armadillo can give you leprosy?). RFD Channel · Replay video·|·Share video·|·Watch more videos

Posted by Farmer Brown at 06:39 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 06:29 PM | Permalink

In a hilarious departure from tradition, President Bush today told children expecting Tom Turkey to receive a presidential pardon, that he had changed his mind.  "By golly, this turkey looks just like Nancy Pelosi, doesn't it?  I don't think I'll pardon this old bird." With that he yanked its head off.  "This is how we do it in Texas. Look at that blood spurt out!"  The children and their teachers were delighted with the president's impromptu hi-jinx.  They urged him to let the bird loose so it could flop around, but he demurred, saying "Laura will kill me if I ruin this new suit."

Posted by Farmer Brown at 03:55 PM | Permalink

If the Washington Post was a zoo, this [More Limits Sought On Civilians' Guns]  is where we watch monkeys masturbate.  State law bans weapons in courthouses. But the absence of any prohibition on weapons inside police stations or jails places officers at risk, county officials say. At the request of Fairfax County Police Chief David M. Rohrer, the Board of Supervisors has included a ban in a draft of its legislative program for the 2007 Virginia General Assembly.Michael W. Kennedy, a mentally ill 18-year-old, drove to the rear parking lot of the station and fired more than 70 shots with an assault rifle and other weapons. Detective Vicky O. Armel, 40, died that day, along with Kennedy. Officer Michael E. Garbarino, 53, died of his wounds nine days later. Okay, this is a tragedy for all concerned.  That said, this response is as lame as Bill Clinton's anti-gun law binge in response to Tim McVeigh's fertilizer bomb.  It's an excuse.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 02:29 PM | Permalink

· Replay video | Share video | Watch more videos

Posted by Farmer Brown at 12:49 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:08 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 08:36 AM | Permalink

Name any participant, ever, in any one of these college football bowls MEINEKE CAR CARE BOWL INSIGHT BOWL POULON WEED EATER BOWL While you're Googling an answer, you're making my point for me.  When I'm in charge, here's what's going to happen. There will be a top 10 poll. Not a top 20.  Not a top 25.  A top 10.  There will be five post season bowls - Rose, Orange, Sugar, Cotton, Gator All  will be played on New Years Day Thank you.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 08:18 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 07:24 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:34 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 02:32 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 02:05 PM | Permalink

For thems what don't know, a single action revolver does not re-cock after firing, which makes this demonstration almost unbelievable.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 01:35 PM | Permalink

Liberal canker blossoms in Chicago have already, and their ilk in New York are trying to get  foie gras, made from the engorged livers of ducks and geese, banned.  In fact, PeTA people, who somehow avoid being beaten incessantly with axes and razor blade encrusted bats, are demanding -- demanding that it be banned, so it's as good as gone. But wait!  Romania to the rescue.  Surely no one will object to Pâté du Plump Pig Snout?  They've already been butchered for the bacon and baby back ribs, so it's only a blessing.  And it seems so right for New York.  Snort.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 01:02 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 12:01 PM | Permalink

Islam allegedly had $118,000 in $50 notes in a suitcase and a mobile phone concealed in his rectum when he was arrested at a Surfers Paradise bus station on Thursday night.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:59 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:48 AM | Permalink

While I'm waiting to get into the bathroom this morning, I was entertained by the story of Knutts the squirrel on the Today Show.   A  touching tale of how hostette Meredith Viera rescued a baby squirrel from certain death.  Knutts had somehow gained entry into Meredith's home where it was viciously attacked by the Viera cat. An animal shaman works her magic, and in no time little Knutt is released, praise the lord, into the wilds of New York. The World Wild Life Fund's squirrel extinction meter is stopped, precariously, on the 30 trillion and 3 mark. Here I am trying to to rid myself of these birdseed robbing tree rats, and wtf??? Meanwhile, these same liberal media twits are hailing Sen. Osama Obama [meat fisted segue warning] as the second coming of Hillary.  That is to say, someone with absolutely no history of accomplishment, but with whom liberals assuage their guilt ridden consciouses by finding minorities to plump and fluster over.   Or maybe they're just trying to drive the rest of us mad.  Anyway, back to Osama-Bama.  Let's start here. I want to interject some background here.  Mother Superior is a NICU (Neo Natal Intensive Care) nurse.  She works with other NICU nurses.  Their mission is to save the lives of newborn who just a few years ago would have never drawn breath.  Still, she was astounded to discover that virtually none of her peers knew what partial birth abortions entailed. Hard to believe that these lovely people, most of whom vote a straight democratic ticket (because democrats are the people who care, don't you know) have no knowledge of how babies - identical to those they fuss over all night - have their brains sucked out even whilst baby feet are kicking outside the birth canal. See Obama's babies? ; This is what, [warning- graphic pop-up           Courtesy of the Democratic Party] according to him, he and Michelle Obama had the right to do, up to the point where the eyes see daylight. . The argument that this procedure is performed to save the mother's life is a flat out falsehood used by these butchers to to confuse an ignorant public. Even while Bill Clinton was vetoing legislation that would have banned the procedure, Ron Fitzsimmons, executive director of the Alexandria-based National Coalition of Abortion Providers, said he "lied through his teeth" during a 1995 appearance on ABC's "Nightline" about the controversial procedure.  The baby's are killed for the mother''s convenience, not health. But don't let me ruin your reverie over saving a tree rat.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:29 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 07:23 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 07:22 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 07:19 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 04:27 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 02:06 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 12:15 PM | Permalink

There are a spate of post election articles from the right examining our position in Iraq.  On Friday Krauthammer [Why Iraq Is Crumbling] took his shot. I have my own theories. In retrospect, I think we made several serious mistakes -- not shooting looters, not installing an Iraqi exile government right away, and not taking out Moqtada al-Sadr and his Mahdi Army in its infancy in 2004 -- that greatly compromised the occupation. Nonetheless, the root problem lies with Iraqis and their political culture. <snip> Last month American soldiers captured a Mahdi Army death squad leader in Baghdad -- only to be forced to turn him loose on order of Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. Two weeks ago, we were ordered, again by Maliki, to take down the barricades we had established around Sadr City in search of another notorious death squad leader and a missing American soldier. Kraut sees a "glimmer of hope" if we can create a new coalition based on cross-sectarian alliances: the more moderate Shiite elements (secular and religious but excluding the poisonous Sadr), the Kurds and those Sunnis who recognize their minority status but are willing to accept an important, generously offered place at the table. George H. Wittman [Plain Speaking on Iraq and Iran] sees Iran holding the trump card in our effort to extricate from Iraq. Blah-blah-blah.  We never had a chance. The Bush strategy seems to have been to isolate Iran, the nexus of terrorism,  by flanking them with democratic governments in Afghanistan and Iraq.  Whether it was a good plan is moot.  It was the policy of our elected (and reelected) government, but doomed because of the real axis of evil we face.  When Democrats, for political advantage, and bolstered by a phalanx of leftist media  joined forces with anti-American international groups like ANSWER, the war was lost.  Period. Dance around it all you want.  Write reams of white papers, and volumes of analysis, and one fact remains.  Competing visions for America by the left and right are inimical.  The United States cannot ever again prevail against any enemy as long as the left have any voice in government, and that's been true for 30 years. I know what I'd do.  Call it tough love.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:23 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:25 AM | Permalink

[more]

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:15 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 08:53 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 07:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Who can forget Katie's on-air high colonic enema that went awry?  Even though the Today Show set was completely cleaned, ratings dropped until it was redesigned. Katie Couric's ratings began to tank on her first night as anchorette of CBS Nightly News, and haven't stopped.  CBS execs are promising affiliates  a "Super Katie" marketing gambit designed to take her to the top.  Give Couric her due, she will try anything.  Her Today Show gimmicks included colonoscopy, enemas, body hair removal, simulated oral sex with Bryant Gumbel, and the infamous "chimp threesome."  My inside sources tell me that Perky Katie will be the first human to receive a Shetland Pony in-vitro           "PALOMINO" during Super Bowl halftime.   You heard it here first.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 07:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Hallelujah! Now that Democrats have taken control of Congress, we can expect: • Gas prices to drop to $1.25, because Republicans will no longer be able to feather the nest of Big Oil with obscene profits. • Cars to run on hydrogen, corn syrup and refried beans, because Republicans will no longer be able to control the laws of physics. • The wage gap to become non-existent, because differences in intelligence, drive, determination, personal responsibility and common sense will be outlawed. • Unemployment to drop to zero when the minimum wage increases to $22.35 per hour, because the demand for labor increases when the cost of labor increases, and not the reverse, as ignorant, mean-spirited Republicans had stupidly claimed. • Test scores of below-average students to skyrocket to above-average levels, because Democrats will outlaw the Republican-invented Bell curve. • The Dow to hit 18,000 in 2007, because it's an economic fact that the best way of growing an economy is to penalize risk-takers, innovators and the industrious. • The price of medicine and health care to plummet, because it's another economic fact that when you give people free stuff, demand goes down. • Foreign investors to swamp the country in capital, because they really don't care about the return on their investments, as the Republicans had led us to believe. • Government to control even more of the economy, because government is clearly better at allocating scarce resources, as the Soviet Union, Cuba, North Korea and France have proven. • Single-parent households to grow exponentially, because Republicans won't be able to spread the lie that such households are the primary cause of poverty, crime and school dropouts. • Wal-Mart to go out of business, because Republicans won't be able to perpetuate another myth that people prefer low prices to high prices. • Muslim extremists to stop killing Americans and enslaving women, because their extremism was caused by Republicans, who never understood the glories of multiculturalism and the fact that all cultures are equally good, except the American culture. In conclusion, since things are going to be so much better with the Democrats controlling Congress, let's hope that they also gain control of the White House. Craig Cantoni, Scottsdale The writer is an author, columnist and small "L" libertarian. Francois Ellis

Posted by Farmer Brown at 04:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

·

Posted by Farmer Brown at 01:28 PM | Permalink

That didn't take long.  And, it's not just conservatives [Republicans plot to bring down Pelosi ... and Clinton with her] who recognize the coming shipwreck that will be Nancy Pelosi's House stewardship. Opportunities abound. For instance, just as the message of The Holocaust is a warning of what humans are capable of, occasionally revisiting Jimmy Carter's presidency is a requirement for good national health. It was the first hint of things to come, and it did not bode well. President-elect Jimmy Carter, over the objections of everyone from the AFL-CIO to conservative Democratic Senators (think Robert Byrd), had just nominated former JFK speechwriter and noted liberal Theodore Sorensen to be Director of the Central Intelligence Agency. Democrats, flush with their first presidential victory in twelve years were suddenly divided, appalled and decidedly angry -- at each other. It was December, 1976. Jeffery Lord [Nancy Pelosi Carter]  is of course fleshing out an emerging, and oh-so obvious, analogy betwixt that earlier leftist nincompoop, and Her Pelosiness.  Carter's iridescent trail of incompetence shimmers yet. The Sorensen episode turned out to be an introduction to a presidency that became the historical embodiment of weakness in the presidency. Almost without a pause, Carter kept whirling on as one of the most self-destructive leaders in the history of any modern political party on the planet  ... By November of 1980, shocked Democrats were staring at the precursor of Red America -- a 44 state Reagan win over Carter, the Senate turnover to the GOP after over two decades. I know what you're saying ... ''but. Rodge, why warn her about what mistakes she's making?''  Don't worry.  Anyone who could say things like .... "I pride myself in being called a liberal" and "I don't consider myself a moderate." "Anybody who's ever dealt with me knows not to mess with me." ... is too full of herself           Oh yes, spank me harder ... HARDER! to see what's coming.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 07:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:36 PM | Permalink

I stole this from Claire

Posted by Farmer Brown at 03:37 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 12:10 PM | Permalink

This is a busy day ..  Maryland plays Boston College at Noon, but even if they lose, they'll still make the title game by beating Wake Forest next week.  How about the Terps winning the 2K Tournament?  I told you.   Sagran has them ranked  #4.  I heard someone call today's Michigan- Ohio State game the "biggest in College football in 70 years."  Poop.  In my lifetime the most ballyhooed football game was the 1966 Michigan State-Notre Dame game which has its own Wikiapedia entry.  Also, I have to do molding. HFS, MD behind 7-0 with 45 seconds gone. HFS .. second MD fumble returned for TD in less than 4 minutes. HFS.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 12:02 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 11:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

·

Posted by Farmer Brown at 02:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I just got this warning pop-up about a suspicious E-mail sent by MM. Suscpicious, yes, but for different reasons (rollover). Sup told me about a Maryland couple who waited 36 hours in line at Wal-Mart for the Play Station opening sale. They each bought one, putting hers on E-Bay. Almost immediately the bid was $3000+, which I am willing to accept as an honest bid. I'm glad I don't care about Play Station.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 01:06 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 12:32 PM | Permalink

SKEPTICISM GROWING Prominent international figures are beginning to question the science as well. Recently, for instance, Czech President Vaclav Klaus reportedly said that fears of manmade global warming were "a fatal mistake of the present time." We have also recently seen the conversion of Britain's famed environmental campaigner, David Bellamy, to a climate skeptic. Bellamy now calls fears of manmade catastrophic global warming, "poppycock." In addition, renowned French geophysicist Claude Allegre recently reversed himself on global warming. (http://epw.senate.gov/pressitem.cfm?party=rep&id=264777 ) Allegre is a former French Socialist Party leader and a member of both the French and U.S. Academy of Sciences. More than a decade ago he signed a letter warning of the dangers of global warming – but in September published an article criticizing claims of man-made global warming, saying the cause of warming was unknown. He cited the alarmists' incorrect use of Mount Kilimanjaro's receding ice caps as proof of manmade global warming. Allegre pointed out that local factors were the cause of the disappearing ice, not global warming. Allegre also accused proponents of manmade catastrophic global warming of being motivated by money, noting that "the ecology of helpless protesting has become a very lucrative business for some people!"

Posted by Farmer Brown at 12:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

''Arianna gets busy squeezin' lemons over at the Huffington Post after the defeat of Jack Murtha. By the end of the post, however, it becomes clear that Arianna's not just making lemonade, she's mixing up a serious batch of Kool-aid: And don't shed any tears for Speaker-elect Nancy Pelosi. Even though her guy lost, this was still a big win for her. A victory for taking a stand -- and for her leadership. [emphasis added] And don't shed any tears for Speaker-elect Nancy Pelosi. Even though her guy lost, this was still a big win for her. A victory for taking a stand -- and for her leadership. [emphasis added] You must be kidding, dahhling. Nancy Pelosi got her head handed to her by the Democratic caucus this morning. Trying to spin today's vote as a victory for Pelosi is a job even Baghdad Bob would turn down out of embarrassment. Not Arianna. She continues:

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:39 AM | Permalink

Me and the Sup spent yesterday doing girl stuff (mall surfing, movies and lunch), in celebration of 76 years married to one another.  We don't go to many movies, mostly because I feel like I'm giving succor to the enemy; the Sup is not quite so over the edge.  She loved "Stranger Than Fiction" (think Delirious meets Groundhog Day without the humor - Ebert calls it a "moral tale").  Me?  Not so much.  There were several moments in the movie that broke my reverie. First, this Will Farrell (Bill Murray, where were you?) vehicle is not a comedy, so there may be disappointment for some on that score. He plays Harold Crick,  a senior  IRS auditor (stomach roll), painfully addicted to routine.  Crick audits Ana Pascal (Maggie Gyllenhaal), who runs a very upscale looking bakery shop, and whose only clientèle seem to be bums she feeds for free (stomach).  Somehow she made enough profit to intentionally deduct 28.62% - or some such - from her taxes, because (I bet you can't guess) she won't support America's evil military complex.  Just once I'd like to see a Hollywood character say "I feel honored to pay for the protection from outside enemies, but I'm damned sick of boondoggles like overfunded education, and under subscribed entitlement programs for every constituency."  Just once.  Still, Gyllenhaal is a compellingly pretty woman.  I Googled her visage to see if her half body tattoo was real.  It isn't.  Kay Eiffel (Emma Thompson) is an author writing a novel about Crick (whom she believes to be her invention), but Crick can hear her thoughts as she writes about him.  She experiences writer's block when it comes to killing her hero, and the real Crick is panic stricken, since everything else she wrote about him happened. Dustin Hoffman, Robin Williams, Queen Latifah, Tom Hulce, and Linda Hunt also have roles.  I give it 5 BOOGERS®.  The gratuitous lefty messages annoyed me.  In one scene Crick is watching television.  The decision was made to use this opportunity to sermonize on the evils of using monkeys for lab experiments and cosmetic testing.  It  distracted me;  the Sup didn't notice.  Finally, the entire premise hinges on how Harold is finally killed.  Kay Eiffel's solution, we are led to believe, is so stunningly wonderful that even Harold agrees to die so that the world can enjoy the magnificence of this milestone novel.  Problem is, that ending is  utterly pedestrian.  Like I said, Mother Superior just loved it, and that's all that really counted.  We had fun afterwards, with lunch - and spending a good deal of time in the bookstore's easy chair (me), sipping Cappuccino while reading "Movable Type for Dummies."  I didn't understand it.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:24 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 11:29 PM | Permalink

The Living Drudge Ted Turner in fresh jab at Murdoch: 'He gives nothing to charity'...           Don't you raise Llamas, or something now? Economist Milton Friedman Dies...                             A Great, Great Man Congressman Calls for Cutting Off War Funds...           Never mind, it's only that asshole Kucinich Iraq, Al Gore films in running for Oscars documentary prize... WELCOME TO THE LEFTISTS MAKING SHIT UP CLUB 149-86 HOYER OVER MURTHA...           What did Webb say? Oh, right, ''Women can't fight.'' LOL Prince Charles puts staff on bikes in bid to become 'green prince'...           Oh Good God

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:53 PM | Permalink

Prosecution of a Douglas County case involving alleged sexual contact with a dead deer may hinge on the legal definition of the word “animal.” Bryan James Hathaway, 20, of Superior faces a misdemeanor charge of sexual gratification with an animal. He is accused of having sex with a dead deer he saw beside Stinson Avenue on Oct. 11. A motion filed last week by his attorney, public defender Fredric Anderson, argued that because the deer was dead, it was not considered an animal and the charge should be dismissed. “The statute does not prohibit one from having sex with a carcass,” Anderson wrote. Judge Michael Lucci heard the motion Tuesday. “I’m a little surprised this issue hasn’t been tackled before in another case,” Lucci said. "Lawyer argues sex with dead deer not crime"

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:24 AM | Permalink

Replay video | Share video | Watch more videos

Posted by Farmer Brown at 11:49 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:23 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 07:29 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 07:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Posted by Farmer Brown at 05:06 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 02:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

If you're going to insanely bracket the 2007 NCCA Basketball Tournament in November, as Joe Lombardi does on the ESPN web site, then don't add stupidity to the mix by leaving Maryland out of it entirely.  Sheesh. The Terps were left out of the tournament last year despite being 8-8 in the world's toughest league.  Yes they stunk, but still ... .  However -- this year they have three new players named Chris Wilcox, Juan Dixon, and Steve Blake.  I know, the roster says Bambale Osby, Greivis Vasquez., and Eric Hayes, but don't be fooled.  Gary Williams has conjured a return of the three most important players from the Terps '02 championship team.  They're young, but ohhhhhhhhh Nelly.  They will be in this year's toonamunt.  The Tar Heels are thrilled that they only have to play them once, while Duke is atremble with two contests scheduled.  Fear the Turtle. *turtle hiss*

Posted by Farmer Brown at 12:31 PM | Permalink

Britney Spears' estranged husband Kevin Federline is reportedly threatening to sell a homemade sex video of the pair unless he receives £16 million and custody of their children. Kevin has allegedly vowed to sell the explicit four-hour tape to a company who want to post it on the internet unless Britney agrees to his demands. A source told Britain's News of the World newspaper: "It makes Paris Hilton' s homemade video look like a Disney cartoon. This footage is dynamite and Kevin knows it.   "He has told Britney she could comply with his demands otherwise the whole world will see her having sex." - Hollywood Rag

Posted by Farmer Brown at 11:13 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:57 AM | Permalink

In their great wisdom, the nation's electorate have delivered us into government by San Francisco.  It is true that they had not a clue what they were doing, but it still counts.  Here's what we can expect, but on a larger scale. As a follow up to ridding the city of Boy Scouts, school prayer, and the Pledge of Allegiance, the school board yesterday eliminated the JROTC program. After 90 years in San Francisco high schools, the Junior Reserve Officers' Training Corps must go, the San Francisco school board decided Tuesday night. The board voted 4-2 to eliminate the popular program, phasing it out over two years. Dozens of JROTC cadets at the board meeting burst into tears or covered their faces after the votes were cast. "SAN FRANCISCO· School board votes to dump JROTC program" I will still pray for their souls after a coming catastrophe wipes them from Earth's face, because it's the Christian thing to do.  Then I'll orgasm.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:50 AM | Permalink

If they object to a talking Jesus doll -- for Christmas! -- then fukem.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:13 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:04 AM | Permalink

What failings President Bush has, they do not include bribe taking.  Still, incoming Democrat House committee chairmen have vowed to have serious hearings on Jack Abramoff in their quest to avenge Clinton's impeachment with one of their own.  We know for an absolute fact that one of those trails lead to Harry Reid, and now this delicious statement from an ABC NEWS' The Blotter. Sources close to the investigation say Abramoff has provided information on his dealings with and campaign contributions and gifts to "dozens of members of Congress and staff," including what Abramoff has reportedly described as "six to eight seriously corrupt Democratic senators."  Sounds like Republicans are poised to retake the senate by 2008.  Here's my best guess on who those democrat senators are, based on their past willingness to take tainted cash. Harry Reid, of course Hillary Clinton, numerous charges of illegal cash, including Abramoff's Ted Kennedy, Chinagate recipient, long history off illegal behavior Chris Dodd, Chinagate, Teamster money laundering, has Indians Maria Cantwell, her Real Audio fortune is mostly disappeared, she has lots on Indian constituents, took Jack cash Patty Murray, took $41,000 from Jack ... has Indians Byron Dorgan, took Jack's money, has Indians John Kerry, filled with a sense of entitlement Don't look for the House hearings  to start anytime soon.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:50 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:06 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:35 PM | Permalink

Future House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has ordered members of the House Democrat Caucus to adhere to a new dress code. ''It was my husband's idea, don't you just love the cute skirts?," she gushed at an afternoon press conference.  Also shown is new Majority Leader, Rep. John Murtha.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 07:39 PM | Permalink

I received this e-mail regarding my suggestion to use nukes in the possession of national guard units as ''policy levers.''. Roger, Regarding your assumption as follows: Working, then, on the assumption that every state's air national guard have access to nukes, I have a suggestion ...  Some regular Army, Air Force, and Navy units have/may-be-issued nukes as they have the special training to handle, transport, target, and deploy them.  National Guard and Reserve units do not. Keep up the good work. -JS Bah. What the hell good does it do to have a national guard if they can't even nuke San Francisco?  This is bullshit.  Barnpeople, it really is up to us.  If I had $875,000 I could buy a nuke form this guy who was a Soviet army corporal in charge of 50 of them.  I think can negotiate that down. Donate quickly.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 05:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

WTF? Isn't there anyone out there in Vegas who wants 4 tickets the Caesar's Palace Comdey Show? You have 45 minutes to speak up.

Our own Joyce (Juice, aka Juicy) is shown here, on stage at the old Harvey's Wagon Wheel in 1979.  She was only 14 at the time, and used the money to put herself through Stanford.   (Archive photo)

Posted by Farmer Brown at 05:04 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 12:23 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 11:58 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 11:22 AM | Permalink

I couldn't bring myself to reference this last week, so disturbing is it. Screw it, go ahead and impeach him.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:32 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

A few months ago Howard Stern held a contest for best video about ... I forget what the premise was.  Anyway, Hucker decided to enter the contest - first place was worth $50,000 - and I thought his entry had a chance.  Bung Mouth is  based on Stern's 'Fart Man' character.  You can watch it here.  No, it didn't win; I think because it was too tasteful for Stern, but what do I know?

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Posted by Farmer Brown at 08:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

What, are we stupid?  Every nation in the Arab world is scrambling to emulate Kim Jong Il and get themselves a nuke.  They know Jimmy Carter, or  some other American liberal twit will come crawling, coat pockets stuffed with American tax dollars, and kissing ass.  They'll be feted by the U.N., invited to Georgetown soirées.  This is not news. Working, then, on the assumption that every state's air national guard have access to nukes, I have a suggestion ... .  See where this leads?  What if every Republican governor seized the initiative, and took back state's rights so outrageously stripped away after the Great Rebellion of 1861-1865.  Secede?  Hell no, why secede?  Expel.  Expel from our union entire states, even regions, who refuse to join this flight to freedom.  What's left will be United States, once again, and not slaves to a corrupt federal bureaucracy.   There are the seeds.  Plant them,  Nourish them  You're welcome. Farmer Jones.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 11:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Posted by Farmer Brown at 08:42 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 12:42 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 11:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

My firm belief is that anyone elected to congress will immediately begin a process of becoming corrupt.· James Webb is one of those who will arrive in that state.· Consider: Webb is ... ...· the gun lover who once seethed with anger over the "activist left," and "cultural Marxists," who endorsed his current opponent, GOP Senator George Allen, last time around, and who once said that President Bill Clinton presided over "the most corrupt administration in modern memory." · Here he is with one of the Senate's biggest gun ban activists.· He campaigned with both Bill and Hillary Clinton.· But what takes the cake is,· that while constantly reminding Virginia voters about his Vietnam war hero status, he brought John Kerry in, at least three times, to campaign with him.· John Kerry, whose lies before congress did more to besmirch the honor· of those who served than any man in history.· Eat me Webb.· This snapshot ······························Here, eat this Webb from his campaign site is clearly Freudian, and says it all.·

Posted by Farmer Brown at 11:22 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

What began as a celebratory picture taking session on the Capitol steps ended in tragedy yesterday.· As Democrat· members of the coming 110th Congress posed for pictures on· a warm overcast day, several bolts of lightning struck the group.· All were burned to a crisp.· The only survivor was Louisiana Representative William Jefferson, who missed the ceremony after accidentally locking himself in a walk-in freezer.· He immediately elected himself Minority Leader. President Bush called for an hour of national mourning today, beginning at 5 AM EST.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:12 AM | Permalink

Freshman Jesse Moya disagreed, saying Barrett had been "very objective." Moya, who said his uncle died in the World Trade Center attacks, said he had entered the course believing the attacks were the work of Islamic terrorists. He now believes otherwise. "It seems like a more logical explanation that it was the U.S. government," he said."Lecturer says taxes go to kill U.S. troops" If the University of Wisconsin insists on allowing Prof. Barrett to preach this filth, so be it.· But I demand that all federal monies· - as in tax dollars - tendered to the school be stopped.· Also, if President Bush was capable of masterminding the 9/11 attacks, please, please Mr. President -· go that extra step and take Barrett out. I'm not kidding.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 07:44 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:30 PM | Permalink

Today the History Channel took a pretty exhaustive look at some of  the ''conspiracy'' charges re the Oklahoma City bombing.  Specifically, the Elohim City connection, and Carol Howe.  While they dramatized Howe's attempts to warn of the coming attack, they left out some particulars.     Howe was a doll baby debutante who got involved with an Aryan hate group headquartered in Elohim City, OK.  A group that Timothy McVeigh had ties to.  Somewhere along the line she became concerned over very radical plans being formulated, like assassinations, and bombing government buildings.  Carol became an informant for the ATF, under the control of Special Agent Angela Finley.  Based on what her wired conversations revealed, and showing Finley specific targets (including the Murrah Federal Building), the ATF planned a raid on Elohim City.  The FBI found out, and stopped it.  They were running their own sting on Elohim City, and had their own snitch, and their own agenda. Judge Richard Matsch refused to let Howe tell any of this this to McVeigh's jury, ruling that she was unreliable.  Remember, she had been wired by the ATF, and filed regular reports as Agent 183. But she was unreliable. The FBI's position was that McVeigh was the lone gunman in the Texa s Boo--  I mean the lone bomber.  ABC's announced follow-up segment was squashed before it could air.  These specifics were missing from the HistChan report, and I think they're important. Finally, and this hit me in the eyes at the time, when just days before his execution, it was discovered that the FBI failed to turn over some 4000 documents to McVeigh's legal team, it took only a few days before the Judge  ruled they were irrelevant, and ordered the execution to be carried out.  In normal circumstances McVeigh would still be dodging the hangman with various legal dodges.  Nobody in the US of A goes to the chair before having spent at least 15 years on death row.  Someone wanted this guy gone, PDQ.  Personally, I think Bill Clinton did not want it revealed that a turf war between the FBI and ATF resulted in massive loss of life.  We all know how ''persuasive'' Slick can be when it comes to silencing bad news, don't we?  Let's talk about TWA 800 some day. Here's some video snippage, and here's the transcript from that 20/20 show.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:38 PM | Permalink

Now that Nancy Pelosi has shattered the gender barrier, glass ceiling, and incredulity index all in one fell swoop, ordinary Americans are starting to worry that she may be just a tad too liberal to be second in the succession line for the U.S. presidency. After all, Comrade Nancy does hail from San Francisco—the only American city that once tried to join the former USSR, but was rejected because Moscow found folks here too far to the left.   Rest assured fellow citizens, Speaker-elect Pelosi poses no threat to the America that we all know and love.  At least not yet, that is. For the purpose of calming the minds and stomachs of those fearing the worse once Nancy Pelosi is crowned to take over, several common myths and exaggerations concerning San Francisco liberalism must be debunked. To wit, contrary to popular belief: -It is NOT a felony to vote Republican in San Francisco, although it is a misdemeanor to register with the knowing intent of voting for a Republican at a future date.   -A special permit is NOT required to fly Old Glory--except on Cinco de Mayo and Fidel Castro’s birthday. -Speaking English is NOT a hate crime, except at fast-food restaurants, car washes, emergency rooms, and when speaking to Hispanics obviously here illegally. -Displaying the logo of the United States Army, Navy, Air Force, or Marines does NOT violate city ordinances, unless one does so with an arrogant, “America First,” G.W. Bush-type of attitude. -Attending a Christian church does NOT automatically subject one to higher property taxes: There is an appeals process available. -Law enforcement job applicants are NOT required to prove that they are transvestite, gay, handicapped or a racial minority to qualify. -Refusing to smoke marijuana when ordered to by an uniformed police officer is NOT a felony, except for anyone foolish enough to sport a “Bush-Cheney” bumper sticker. -Working at Wal-Mart is NOT against city law, provided one can prove he or she is an illegal alien from Mexico. -Abortions are NOT available on those fabulous cable cars, but may be arranged at most self-serve gas stations and progressive piano bars. -Young Middle Eastern males who speak Arabic are NOT a protected minority until they have first been arrested and charged with a terrorist act(s). -Being a straight, white, employed Christian male does NOT require one to notify the police before moving into a new neighborhood, or to be listed on a government web site. -Securing a driver’s license does NOT automatically enroll one as a dues-paying member of the ACLU, and -Convicted sex offenders moving into San Francisco are NOT automatically registered to vote as Democrats: They have 30 days in which to join the party and register. So while liberalism is a severe mental disorder that will significantly impact Nancy Pelosi’s judgment, the good news is--heck, there is no good news! Run for your lives! Canada Free Press John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable!. He can be reached at: Letters@canadafreepress.com

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:37 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Posted by Farmer Brown at 04:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Of course NooB Tube has this under padlock because it offended someone, which is reason enough to watch it.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 01:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Posted by Farmer Brown at 12:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Lincoln Chafee is blaming his defeat on a Rhode Island law that allows voters to walk into a polling station and ask for a Democrat Only ballot.  I don't know that he's right, but happy as I am to see him expelled by any means, I do see this practice as facilitating a hypnagogic state among the electorate, which in Rhode Island is gilding the lily.  Another bad-bad emerging practice is beginning the balloting days, if not weeks, before ''election day.''  The practice gives any political party with a penchant for manipulating the vote a big advantage.  Hell, why not let people call in their vote on January 1 of any election year?  Wait. There may be a small benefit in that, now that I think of it.  Organizations like ACORN, which specialize in vote fraud, wouldn't have to work so hard to find proxies for voters who died in the meanwhile.  Their ballots would already be cast.  That means a lessening of voter fraud. Woot!

Posted by Farmer Brown at 12:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:44 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:13 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:02 AM | Permalink

Annika, who did have the best header in show business (that I prudently archived) is also a thoughtful political and sports observer.  She blames Bush for the recent carnage that, I'll warrant, will come to be viewd as more devastating to this nation than the 9-11 attacks.  Here's a snip ... Hugh Hewitt is the prime example. Don't get me wrong, Hugh Hewitt knows more about government and politics that I could ever hope to learn. His radio show is the highlight of my listening day. And he has done amazing work for the party before, as he will again. But Hugh's Townhall column today was so clueless, I think he must need some time off. In an essay that's 1,351 words long, Hugh failed to cite the Iraq War even once as a possible cause for the Republicans being thrown out on their asses yesterday. Instead, incredibly, he blames John McCain: The post-mortems are accumulating, but I think the obvious has to be stated: John McCain and his colleagues in the Gang of 14 cost the GOP its Senate majority while the conduct of a handful of corrupt House members gave that body's leadership [to] the Democrats. I too blame Bush, but not because of the Iraq war. A dear friend, who voted straight Democrat this election, told my wife, "get over it, people just wanted a change."  When asked whether by ''change'' she meant going back to recession?, or a plummeting stock market?, or less security?  What?  She answered, "Just change." In other words, she picked Bud Light over Brand X even though she doesn't drink beer.  Joe Lieberman was kicked out of the Democrat party for his strong stance on the war, and was resoundingly reelected in the liberal state of Connecticut over his polar opposite on that matter.  Now he's a Democrat again.  Republicans were slaughtered because they acted like Democrats.  They pandered.  They spent like Democrats (with Bush's full support. One veto in six years!). In the Senate, weasels like John McCain and Lindsey Graham  were more interested in being liked by the media  than standing on principle. House Republicans, without Tom DeLay's iron hand, were school girls fleeing a mouse, which is why DeLay was targeted in the first place.  Punks. The libertarian wing of the party was appalled. I was appalled.  Not many voters have the visceral hatred for Democrats that I do, they don't even know who Nancy Pelosi is.  What they heard for two years, on the rare occasion they were exposed to political news, was an incessant repetition of the "Culture of Corruption" chant, and had a vague sense that this stem cell thing was good, and opposition to it was bad.  In a nutshell, they are just as ignorant as ever, and vulnerable, as we all are, to powerful marketing campaigns.  Sometime in the next two years many of them will be saying, WTF?  I mean, how much Henry Waxman can a nation stomach?

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

The thought occurred to me - and not for the first time, but with an added sense of urgency - that the Constitution is silent on certain questions of congressional representation.  For instance, if the San Francisco area, say  from Seattle,WA  to Orange County, fell into the sea, or was obliterated by a meteor having the force of  1200 nuclear bombs dropped from a B-52, would the people representing those, now non-existent, congressional districts get to complete their current terms?  What do you think? Wen does a Representative's term end? The second the congressional district ceases to exist They get to complete their current term    Free polls from Pollhost.com

Posted by Farmer Brown at 07:14 AM | Permalink

I've had some weird things happen to me, but this is the strangest. Of a sudden I am getting replies to messages I never sent, but someone did. I am trying to establish a new E-mail addy with Verizon, but it won't take. I would think that someone got hold of my address book, but some of the mail is going to people I know, like bloggers, but whom I've never exchanged mail with, ever. WTF? If you get something from me out of the blue, I didn't send it.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 04:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Posted by Farmer Brown at 02:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

In return, Bush promises not to win the Miss Brazil beauty pageant.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 01:35 PM | Permalink

My first instinct Wednesday morning was to re-display Baxter Black's "prayer'' on Schlong-O-Vision.  The reason I did not was his recognition of our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan breaks my heart now.  What must they feel like? [Insert: Troops use blogs to soldier on, sound off on election]. I'll be honest with you, in weaker moments I have fantasized about them returning home, overthrowing this government, and executing Jack Murtha, John Kerry, Pinch Sulzberger, and all the other treasonous bastards.  But, then I get strong again with the aid of Prozac, and this 1996 recipe from Robert Bork.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I'm pretty anxious to quit posting on two sites, so I'll appreciate your feedback.  What would it take to get you to feel comfortable with the USA site?  For my part, I've grown fond of the open comment format.  Bill Quick uses it, so I should be able to back engineer the code from him.  Anything else?  Comments, please.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)

Bell said the ban largely came about because the trustees didn't want to publicly vow loyalty to the American government before their meetings. "Loyalty ought to be something the government earns through performance, not through reciting a pledge," he said. That's Jason Bell, one of three Orange Coast College student trustees who somehow were able to ban the Pledge of Allegiance from being recited at their meetings. Nobody likes it, but nobody has done the expedient thing either.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

''With the Senate hanging in the balance both Conrad Burns and George Allen have done the right thing by conceding their respective races. Hopefully, they have set an example for future politicians in close elections - who lose - of how true statesman and patriots should respect the will of voters and not engage lawyers and the courts in blatant attempts to hold on to power. ''Politicians who deliberately and cynically undermine the faith in our elective process do great damage to this country for cheap short-term political gain. Respect for the rule of law and the willingness to live with heartbreaking defeats is critical to the long-term well being of our democratic system of government.'' -Allen Does the Right Thing That's all true, and very gentlemanly John.  Except, when you're dealing with committed ideologues - be they communists, Islamo radicals, democrats, or any man eater on the scent, acting in a civil matter will mean the end of you. The notion that Democrats will respond in kind is preposterous. The only thing they understand is the maul. I've had this ["Report: Bush dropped ball in ethics probes"] bookmarked for years, because it struck me then as a fatal flaw in Dubyah's makeup.  His dad lived by the same code.  In 1992 the Justice Department had the goods on the Clintons, and without the power of the Presidency to protect them, both would certainly have been imprisoned along with everyone else involved in the Madison Guaranty fraud, and watched the 1993 Inauguration from a prison cell.  (In March of '92, Resolution Trust Corp produced the first (of ten) criminal referrals related to Madison Bank.  The lead criminal investigator on the case was Jean Lewis. In March of 1993 President Clinton fired all career U.S. Attorneys, and  then Jean Lewis.  "The Special Committee's Whitewater Report").   The verdict of history will be that this was the time to start breaking things.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:38 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 06:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Spoons keeps coming over here to see if I'm going to eat dirt for missing everything on the election, just because he got it right. The answer is, I will not. I purposely lied to keep morale up.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 06:24 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 03:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

What?  Are we going to be like those Palm Beach assholes who needed a shrink after Bush's election?  Or  whiny liberal pukes fleeing to Canada? This isn't over.  Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no! What Americans do during times of crisis is gird their loins, and go to war.  There will be many opportunities to smite these fuckers.  In the meanwhile, here's the opening of my new novel, a comedy/crime thriller.  Maybe you can improve on it.  Or come up with a better scenario.  Let's laugh, drink, eat meat, screw, drink some more, and puncture tires of that neighbor with the O'Malley yard sign!  Be productive.  Hoo-ahhhhhhhhh!

Inspector Clouseau was baffled. Thousands of Americans, apparently all of them democrat activists, had decided to commit suicide. He was reading from news accounts in a Washington Times newspaper. The concierge had apologized, explaining that the requested New York Times had evidently not published today. Had the biggest names in American journalism also answered this mysterious siren's call? The news accounts were stark. Speaker Pelosi found hanged.  Kennedy shot in apparent suicide.  Leahy, Reid, Schumer, all dead.  It appeared that there was not a single living elected democrat left in the nation.  The death toll was in the tens of thousands.  Surely the act of a criminal mastermind, mused Clouseau as he buttered a croissant. The problem was, most of these suicides were witnessed. He himself had watched a man with a Greek name, from an organization named ''KOS,'' accuse someone named ''Rove'' of the murders. Then, and on a live CNN feed, he produced a pistol and shot himself in the head. When CNN had suddenly gone off air, he switched to Fox News Channel.  Reports were pouring in from other parts of the country.  Entertainment names.  Streisand, Redford, Newman ... all dead by their own hand.  A ''Michael Moore'' tied a rope around his neck, and jumped off a California overpass.  His weight caused the head to pop off, the torso slamming into the windshield of a passing automobile. This would be an interesting case, thought Clouseau.   Damn.  He had nearly severed his pinky with the butter knife.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 01:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Posted by Farmer Brown at 12:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

· Replay video·|·Share video·|·Watch more videos

Posted by Farmer Brown at 11:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

In four years as Maryland's Governor, Bob Ehrlich turned his predecessor's crippling budget defect into a budget surplus.  He has been so successful that the Washington Post, for maybe the first time in history, endorsed a Republican, Ehrlich, over a Democrat, Baltimore Mayor Martin O'Malley.  The mayor's greatest achievement was getting an Ehrlich aide fired for talking about his  extra-marital affair with Baltimore television babe Sade Baderinwa.  Oh, and firing a half dozen police chiefs.  On Tuesday Maryland voters elected O'Malley.  His father in law is J. Joseph Curran, Jr., the longest serving attorney general in Maryland history (since 1987). In 1994 Republican Ellen Sauerbrey defeated Parris Glendenning for governor. Or so it seemed. With all votes counted , the networks had called the race for Sauerbrey, when suddenly just enough votes to put Glendenning ahead quite magically appeared in Baltimore City. Curran, who was elected on the same ticket, was in charge of investigating the ''possible'' fraud. You can guess how that went. When you speak of Maryland Democrats, you're speaking of three areas of the state populated by liberals, grown fat off the gummint tit, lesser government hangers-on, and welfare succubi (Montgomery County, Prince George's County, and Baltimore City, in that order). The rest of Maryland, for the most part, would just as soon all three were vaporized, none more than I. So, Maryland, for this latest outrage, and a score of others, YOU ARE FUCKING MORONS.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 11:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Vice President Cheney congratulates new Senate Majority Leader Lieberman, and his wife Hadassah. I'm sure this has been addressed elsewhere, but what the hell.  If George Allen pulls it out we have a 50-50 Senate. Cheney the tie-breaker keeps it Republican. If Webb prevails, then it's nominally 51-49, Donks.  I say nominally because Robert Menendez, just elected in New Jersey, will probably be indicted soon, maybe even before Christmas. But, never mind.  That won't keep him out since  Democrats only recognize a jail cell as reason to expel one of their own.  If he had the good sense to step down (under pressure, as did Torricelli),  then the man who appointed him in the first place, Gov. Corzine, would select his leftwing replacement.  Alas. That leaves Joe Lieberman, just elected as an Independent. The issue that caused the fissure between him and Democrats was Iraq. It's a certainty that Democrats in the House will do what they do best, and that's refuse to fund any war that lasts longer than a Kennedy stay at the Betty Ford Clinic.  That leaves the Senate as the President's only ally.  It seems to me that Lieberman would show a great lack of integrity by voting to organize the Senate under Democrat rule.  Will he show the integrity of  2006 Lieberman, or the 2000 version, when he took just 30 seconds as Gore's running mate to jettison every principle he had? It would be the juiciest of jucies if Lieberman cast the deciding vote that kept the Senate under GOP control.  Just juicy. Mr. Majority Leader.  Oh stop.  Could he be any worse than Trent Lott, or Whats-his-name?  I don't think so, and it would cause several coronaries.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 05:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Sen. Robert Byrd, 88-year-old Democrat from West Virgina, was elected to a record 10th term yesterday.  With the possibility that Democrats will control the Senate, Byrd ordered state workers to begin resodding 4,573 miles of  highway this morning.  ''I'll need something to spend money on,'' said Byrd, ''and a  Superconducting Super Collider accelerator thing will take time to get funded.''   It's estimated that West Virginia has fewer than 5000 automobiles in working condition.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 03:16 PM | Permalink

I will sell you the plans for this invention for just $50,000. You'll get rich selling them, and be healthy too. People in NYC who've never seen grass will be able to walk to work on it! They'll be Republicans by 2008! I'm only selling the plan to one person, so hurry.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 02:32 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 02:13 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 01:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Blah-blah-blah.  The truth of the matter is Republicans made themselves vulnerable with their fiscal irresponsibility, and the media made it possible for democrats to run on virtually no issues.· Those they did espouse were done behind a veil of lies and distortions (stem cells) much like the 1992 "Worst economy in our nations history" Clint-lie was allowed to stand,· unchallenged, by a sycophant media.· In the final analysis though, I think it's probably nothing more than this ... The average first midterm election loss for every elected president since 1914 is 27 House seats and three Senate seats. The average sixth-year midterm election, like this year, is much worse for the president's party, which typically loses 34 seats in the House and six seats in the Senate. This makes the average loss in two midterm elections for the party in the White House: 30 House seats and four or five Senate seats in each midterm election. In his first midterm election, George W. Bush picked up six House seats and two Senate seats — making him, according to The New York Times, "the first Republican president to gain House seats in an off-year election" and only the third president of either party to pick up House seats in a midterm election since the Civil War. This means that for Democrats simply to match the historical average gain for the party out of the White House during the first and second midterm, they would have to pick up 67 seats in the House and 11 seats in the Senate. They're about 30 Mark Foleys short of having that happen. It at least seems clear that Democrat gains this year are going to fall far short of the historical average. No poll has the Democrats winning even half of their rightful midterm gains. Despite the precedent of big wins in midterm elections for the party out of power — especially in a sixth-year midterm election — something is depressing the Democrats' popularity with Americans this year. I suspect it's the perception that many of them are Democrats. But instead of recognizing that the Democratic Party is a dying party, falling far short of its due historical gains, any gain by the Democrats will be hailed as a crowning mandate for the party that wants to lose the Iraq war, shut down Guantanamo and stop spying on Islamic terrorists on U.S. soil. Even a dying party has death throes. If Democrats win a slight majority in the House or Senate, Americans will get shrill, insane leadership of the nation in time of war. Democrats can't not be crazy. They will instantly set to work enacting a national gay marriage law, impeachment hearings, slavery reparations and a series of new federal felonies for abortion clinic protesters. The only way to get Democrats to focus on terrorists would be to convince them that the terrorists are interfering with a woman's right to choose or that commercial jetliners exploding in midair are a threat to America's wetlands. -- "Jihad is Fun! Support the Left!"

Posted by Farmer Brown at 01:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

"How the Gingrich Stole Christmas!" -- Newsweek cover, December 26, 1994/January 2, 1995 issue.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 12:24 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 09:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

by Scrappleface (2006-11-08) — President George Bush, in an effort to lift the spirits of dejected Republicans after Democrats yesterday took the House and perhaps the Senate, this morning issued his Top Ten list of Positive Outcomes from the Election. 10. New York Times and CNN will carry much less negative news about Congress. 9. Rhode Island Republican Sen. Lincoln Chafee lost and Connecticut Democrat Sen. Joe Lieberman won, a net gain of two for the GOP. 8. We may finally get to see the Democrat plan for victory in Iraq. 7. Taxpayers will be relieved of the burden of making so many investment decisions. 6. Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum is now available for Supreme Court appointment. 5. Possible reduction in attacks on our troops in Iraq, since terrorists fear attorneys. 4. NSA agents could soon be freed from having to listen to annoying terrorist chatter. 3. Lynn Swann will be remembered as a great wide receiver during the Pittsburgh Steelers 1970s dynasty. 2. Since a lot of the polling places are in church buildings, millions of Democrats actually went to church yesterday. 1. C-Span could get a ratings boost for new reality show: Impeachment 2007 In addition, the president noted that “millions of American Democrats will sleep more peacefully now that they are assured that Karl Rove doesn’t control everything.”

Posted by Farmer Brown at 08:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Posted by Farmer Brown at 07:08 AM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 11:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

So, what else has been going on?

Posted by Farmer Brown at 11:23 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:53 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 08:26 PM | Permalink

While walking down the street one day a US Senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity." "Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator. "I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse.  Standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf; and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.  Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises... The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing.  They have
a good time. Before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I
think I would be better off in hell."

So St Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.  "I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse. We ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.  What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says,

Yesterday we were campaigning...... Today you voted."

Posted by Farmer Brown at 05:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I'm not remaining completely cloistered, but I'm also not going to live every minute of this election.  Without looking I know that there are charges of massive voter fraud in Philadelphia - because there is.  I know that if Donks lose any close election they think they should have won, they'll litigate until the next election.  I know there will be a Tuesday, a December, and a year 2008, no matter what. I know that I just found the secret to drinking all night long without passing out.  Life is good. Oh, right, here's the magic.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 03:30 PM | Permalink

Thailand better never piss me off, or I'll take out their communications with a nail clipper.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 02:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Posted by Farmer Brown at 02:03 PM | Permalink

Posted by Farmer Brown at 01:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Is she a terrorist? Is that a dynamite fuse?

Posted by Farmer Brown at 01:19 PM | Permalink

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi denies she had another facelift.

Posted by Farmer Brown at 12:32 PM | Permalink

Just voted.  We live in district ruled with an iron fist by conservatives, and I was heartened to see a fairly long line waiting to vote.  USA-UAS-USA!

Posted by Farmer Brown at 11:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Posted by Farmer Brown at 10:34 AM | Permalink